Goals for Cleanse

GOALS
1. Follow and complete the cleanse
2. Get 8 hours of sleep a night
3. Get 3 or more workouts in a week

Why Am I Doing It
1. Clear headed
2. Great sleep
3. Feel good about my food choices... Get out of this not feeling good run and using unhealthy food to feel better
4. Get rid of my gut hanging over my pants
5. Connect better with Joe

Going to School

The kids are going to school. We were really nervous about the kids each starting a new school. We talked with each of the kid's teachers prior to their starting. Alessandra's teacher Mrs. Ryan is so nice. We have talked a couple of times since she started. Alessandra has been testing her. She hit another kid, she would not sit down when asked, and she went into other little boy's space. She feels like she needs to be perfect and gets mad when someone does better then her. She has gotten up and gone every morning with a good attitude. She has brought home work that she has completed and is making friends. Vincent is trying to make friends too. On the first day they said he was supposed to go to Step by Step but it was Tuesday and so he thought he should go home. He told his teachers that he was supposed to be going home. They did not believe him. He said if I have to sit here all day he would and was not going to Step by Step. They called and got it figured out and he went home but he was steadfast that he was going home.

Post vacation priorities

I got up this morning made a smoothie with lots of vegetables and fruit

Spinach
Celery
Cucumber
Blueberry
Mixed citrus fruit
Orange juice
Almond milk
Flaxseed

Verdict didn't love the taste, to high in sugar and calories

Lunch meatloaf,  mixed veg and salad

Verdict tasted good but ate much

Dinner was the deli counter at whole foods

Verdict it was filling but I still did not feel full will try again tomorrow

Today it was overwhelming going back to work, trying to be useful, dealing with the house,  Alessandra melting down and Mollie getting hurt.

The morning was better and then it went down hill

152

Stress about the move

I feel like I never want to stop eating. I know it is mostly stress and probably the junk I eat when I am stressed exasperates the feelings but I don't know how to get out of it. 

149...need to break out of this rut

Ever since I have stopped Isagenix I have been in a rut if eating LOTS and LOTS of bread and even some sugar. It is like I am trying to make up for lost time. My hair also started falling out again which makes me think my body does NOT like being right at 1000 calories or is missing the carbs.

I am not sure where to go next...part of me wants to stop worrying about it. Part of me hates my squishy body and that I get winded running up the stairs. I want to stop feeling anxious, sad because we are no longer having babies and trying to use food to comfort me. I have thought of going to counseling but I already feel like I know what they are going to say so why spend the money.

I want to be happy for all of those new mamas and daddys instead of being jealous of them. I don't want to avoid certain people just because it makes me sad to be reminded that we can no longer have kids. The being up all night, intense pain of nursing, or having to be constantly watch and entertain them. Our kids are at the point where they are becoming more independent and don't constantly need me. Maybe that is part of the reason that I am sad is because they don't constantly need me and can be on there on own. I need to find happiness so I can or we all can enjoy them growing up instead complaining they are growing up and I am missing it.

I have tried talking to Joe and he is a great listener but I feel like it is the same discussion and we never change our behaviors.

Stopping Ingenix and Starting Cassie's Plan 43 Days until Jul 17th

Goals...

I stopped Isagenix because I was having an allergic reaction, it was expensive and I was not on board. I feel a little sad know because ALL of my friends including Laura, Lisa and Heidi are all doing it and are losing lots of weight. Lisa is down 20 lbs and is at 120. Laura is below 120 pounds and trying to get to 24%. I am sitting at 150 and at 34% fat. I need to get a handle on this.

I am going back to trying Cassie's Protein shakes.

Plan
- Breakfast 170 - Protein powder 90, Dynamic Greens 40, and Almond Milk 40
- Snack 150
- Lunch 170 - Protein powder 90, Dynamic Greens 40, and Almond Milk 40
- Snack 150
- Dinner 400
TOTAL Approximately 1100 calories

Plus Vitamins and Supplements 

The last week I have been binging and I feel yucky, fat, heartburn and tired.

I am stressed about the move; packing up our house and get all of the extra stuff out of the house.

I am stressed because it is hard to enjoy my kids and spend so much time yelling at them.

I am stressed from the drive back and forth to work and there is so much to do at work. I could easily be there 40 hours a week and Kristen would still need more.

For the next 43 days I want to try to eat healthy, work out 30 minutes most days, and sleep 8 hours a day.

I want to prove you don't need Isogenix. I want to show Laura I can lose the weight. I want to be in control

150.8, 33.7 period

150

146.8, 34.3 post cleanse

147, 34.7 cleansing day 2

148.4, 34.8

Mess up

I totally over ate today. I have been hungry but have been controlling it. It started with breakfast where we had one little lonely piece of bread left that I added to my "snack" of a fried egg. I added all of the calories of this and and end up around 200 (not to mention I was feeling badly because I was not eating with my family.) Then I skipped lunch because the timing was off and dinner was all my childhood favorites of brats, burgers, chips, vegis and dip. While I felt like I was controlling myself I ended up with a 900+ calorie dinner. We make it home and I think I am doing okay...even brush my teeth...and I am putting the food away from the day at the cabin and I munch a little on granola, leftover vegis with dip and I see the taco meat. I think oh there is a 1/2 a tortilla left with cheese and jalapeños what could that harm so I ate that too. All through my head I have a war going on saying this isn't so bad your fasting tomorrow it will taste so good AND is this really going to taste that good and make you feel that good...no it will just make you feel guilty. I know I feel very guilty and want to blow my whole diet. I won't I already packed for my fast tomorrow but am mad at myself.

148.6, 36.1 went to dinner at River Inn

Not great choices

149.8, 34.8

150, 34.7 bloated

Pizza and popcorn last night

149, 35.1 post period, post cleanse

148.8, 36.1

153, 34.1 thirsty, bloated, monthly

156.4, 34.9

I am starting Isogenix today.  I am fatter then I have ever been and very frustrated.  I have been craving carbs and sugar all of the time and struggling to feel full. I want fit in my clothes and feel calm enough to be a good influence on my kids

156, 35.3

154.6, 34.7,45.9

153.8,94.8,45.9

152.4, 34.7,

151, 33.3%, 46

152, 34.4%, 44

151.2, 34.2, 46%

152.6, 35%, 45.5

153.2 35.6% 45%

Grateful

I am grateful I am healthy
I am grateful my family is healthy and no known diseases
I am grateful I have a flexible job
I acknowledge I am a better mom when I have some time away but I have tremendous guilt that I am not always present and patient.